From a spam subject line: “Aliens Deny Impregnating Paris Hilton”

Is the bigger story that she’s pregnant, that she had sex with one or more aliens, or that aliens are on this planet?

(Yes, I know it’s a Madlibs thing and none of it is true. It’s still funny.)

At the Kimya Dawson show Wednesday night:

KD: (tuning guitar) So…Are there any questions? Woman in Audience: What’s your favorite color? KD: Blue. KD: A sort of brownish blue. (audience chuckles) KD: Neon clear.

Patrick: Back in 94, even the porn was done in ASCII art. They even made the pictures by using the first letter of the name of the body part they were drawing so there was no confusion. You know, like BBBBBBBBBNNN. Me: What letter did they use for, you know, down there on a girl. Patrick: Why, “P”, of course. Me: Why not “V”? Patrick: Because it was porn. If they used “V” they would have to call it art!

I think that’s about the time that Bethany laughed and called us both dorks.

[Republished from Patrick’s site.]

I’m still working my notes for the last few shows of my spring road-trip, but I just wanted to drop in a quick thought.

I was waiting outside The Varsity before a show, standing right next to a big poster with times posted and a sign on the door saying that doors opened at 7PM. Besides me, there were several others milling about, obviously waiting. In the space of 15 minutes, at least a dozen people pulled on the door then asked if it was open yet, despite clear evidence to the contrary.

I really wanted to say “Nah, we’re all ducks in disguise and we like standing out in the rain.” I don’t know that I could have held back had someone been there with me.

Thank goodness for internal monologues.

P.S. I should have all of my RCPM pictures and road trip stuff posted this weekend. Other than replacing some storm-damaged screens, I don’t have any other plans.

the spammers come up with a good one. Today, among all the “male enhancement,” work-at-home, and financing junk I receive in my email (it’s filtered, but I still see the subject lines), there was actually one that made me nearly choke on my orange juice:

“generator whith [sic] nipples”

I simply have nothing to say after that.

A certain national ticket reseller sends me regular emails about upcoming shows. In the latest one, they describe the Moscow Ballet performance of The Nutcracker as “This Broadway-level spectacle…”

Now maybe it’s just me, but doesn’t spectacle, when used as an adjective, tend to cast something in a somewhat negative light? A freak-show would be a spectacle. Dancing around at a party with a lampshade on your head is a spectacle. A GWAR show can only be described as a spectacle. (OK, so that last one isn’t necessarily a bad thing.)

Yes, I know the dictionary definition for spectacle provides quite a bit of leeway, but I’m just saying…

In what has to be a first for me, a spam subject line actually made me laugh today, so I had to share:

ancestor hurling

No, I don’t know what it means and I’m not sure I want to find out.

I didn’t come up with this, but it was too good not to share: Solutions to three of the biggest problems on the domestic agenda.

1. Instead of a fence along the Mexican border, build a moat along the border from the Pacific Coast, along Texas to the Gulf.
2. Ship the dirt dug out from building the moat and ship it to New Orleans. Use it to fix the levees.
3. Take the alligators that are eating people in Florida, give them a home in the newly built moat.

See, now isn’t that easy?

Slashdot discussion over someone’s boss that wanted a contingency plan in case ethernet failed. Not a network device, but failure of the ethernet protocol itself.

0: What about wireless? 1: No, the problem with that is wireless networking gear still uses ethernet. 0: I’m sure IBM has Wireless Token Ring working in some lab somwhere… 1: They do…but as soon as one station leaves the AP, the whole network ceases to relay tokens. 0: If you take your laptop out of range while you have the Token, you get to keep it. If you collect 10 of them, you can mail them in for a prize.

What is it about people writing “waaa laaaa” when they mean “voilà” that drives me crazy?